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Just wondering what life would be like if I had to live it all over again. I don't regret anything, but if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would do things differently. Much, much differently.

I'll be discussing different aspects in different posts, this one happens to be about being LOUDER.

I would make sure to be louder. To sing a little louder, to share my emotions a little louder, even talk a little louder in general. I don't think I've ever been heard before. People have trouble hearing me speak, have trouble hearing my opinions when I write, have trouble hearing my passion when I sing. I want to be more like those I have admired along the way, the loud, beautiful-inside-and-out, people who had no trouble letting others know what they wanted them to know. (Lianna, Casey, Sam, Jessica, just to name a few.)

There were certain parts in my life where I was actually pretty loud, especially compared to most of the rest of it. Times where I dressed the way I wanted because it was what I wanted. Where I hung out with people that I wanted to hang out with instead of trying to get with more popular people or simply being alone.

Its hard to determine what exactly has made me the way that I am now. I mean, I know that it must be a combination of a million things, but if there were any really significant times that changed me, I can't think of them. Why exactly am I so scared of getting in trouble? Of doing things that other people might not like? Such as being a little bit loud in a restaurant or ? Why am I afraid to say the things I feel or the ideas and suggestions I might have? Am I just afraid that others will think they're idiotic?

-will add more later.-

In case theres anyone who cares

I've decided that I need to have a better record of my life. And hopefully to erase the memories of LJ as an immature preteen.
This time around will be much easier to read and enjoy, Hah.

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January 2009


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